Last year while trying to find myself I took an adolescent development course as part of an education major’s requirement. For my final paper I researched young adult abusive relationships. As someone whose watched many a friend be part of an unstable and unfriendly relationship I found the research particularly interesting. I’m sharing this with you all, because I think it is something important that rarely gets the coverage, concern or recognition it deserves.

Abuse can be categorized as physical, sexual, psychological or emotional. Each form of abuse involves the intentional degradation and harm to one’s partner either physically or mentally. Recent studies indicate that 1 in 4 adolescents report being a victim of at least one form of abuse each year (cdc.gov, 2006).

1 in 5 adolescents reported being emotionally abused by their boyfriend or girlfriend (cdc.gov, 2006). This abuse consists of constant disregard for the other person’s feelings and self-worth. Someone who is emotionally abusive uses controlling methods such as language and mind games in order to make their partner feel humiliated, insecure and isolated.

The most common element of any abuser is his or her ability to manipulate the victim and create a sense or inequality and control within the relationship.

I feel very strongly that this is a topic everyone should be aware of, and educate themselves on. Here are some websites that provide background information on teen dating abuse as well as resources to stop it.

http://teensagainstabuse.org/index.php

http://www.seeitandstopit.org/pages/

I miss the nineties (sigh). For some very strange reason finals season makes me particularly nostalgic. I’m not sure if it’s the added stress, intimidating time constraints or mountains of work, but whatever it is I feel a remarkable urge to escape the present and relive my past. This feeling often takes the form of listening to past musical loves. Take today for instance; in addition to studying my butt off I spent the day listening to the Spice Girls, O-Town and Britney Spears. Guilty pleasures, yes, but former loves as well.

It’s very interesting how deeply people can care about a particular sport, or band, or author and come back to that love years later, still loving it or loving it even more. Is this part of fan culture, or is this something deeper? What are some of your nostalgic loves? Why do you think there are some things we simply love forever?

]]> http://loveisus.wordpress.com/2008/04/28/nostalgic-loves/feed/ 0 emuell2 http://loveisus.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/dont-bother-with-your-varisty-jacket-just-accept-my-request/ http://loveisus.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/dont-bother-with-your-varisty-jacket-just-accept-my-request/#comments Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:12:06 +0000 emuell2 http://loveisus.wordpress.com/?p=20 ]]>

So, I’ll be the first to admit that many nights when I’m supposed to be studying for a test the next morning, I can be found ‘taking a break’ and perusing my friends’ Facebook pages. Often this involves scanning my news feed to see what people are up to. Among the events being attended, newly posted photos, and messages are a scattering of hearts, some broken, others newly formed.

Not only is Facebook one of the biggest social websites, used by more than 67 million people, but it has also become the new millennium’s ‘arbiter of who is and isn’t an item‘

The days of varsity jackets, pledge pins and commitment rings as signs of an exclusive relationship have faded.

Replacing them, among other on-line dating resources, is Facebook. Today, many contend that your relationship isn’t official unless you’ve announced it on Facebook, making your dating public knowledge, even to those you don’t know well – or at all.

I recall when I started dating my boyfriend, and he immediately wanted to make it ‘official’ on Facebook, unfortunately for him, I wasn’t tuned into the new trend and actually rejected his request. Eventually we found a common ground; we’re both listed as ‘In a Relationship,’ but not specified to each other. However, I got to say I still don’t buy the idea that if your relationship isn’t official unless announced on Facebook. I mean think what that would mean for cheaters: “Ay baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t you didn’t I couldn’t go out with her; you rejected my Facebook request!!!”

Check out this Facebook group donated to the increases importance of Facebook relationship, maybe ironically so.

This group is for ALL of ya’ll constantly caking, chillin, or posted up with that same guy/girl…BUT still hadn’t made that concrete, computerized commitment…AND for those of you tryin to lock down your girl/man–tellin ‘em what to do without that Facebook title…FACE IT…with the growing age of technology, if it aint on facebook, IT DON’T COUNT!!!!!

The other day I was talking to my friend, whose going through a difficult time right now and she told me the one thing that would make her happy is to feel loved by someone who loves her more than anything else in the world. This got me thinking about love in relation to unconditional love, the difference between the two and what it means to love someone unconditionally.

So, naturally I consulted Dictionary.com, just for a basic understanding of how the world generally defines unconditional love. Heres what I came up with; unconditional love means: “affection with no limits or conditions; complete love.”

I agree with this definition, its solid, but I think theres more to it. I think loving someone without limits is much easier said than done, and I think it involves more compromises than most people are willing to make. I also think its difficult to say without conditions, because if you really love someone and want the best for them, then I think you are allowed room to push and prode so they get there.

I also think first and foremost that you have to love your self ‘unconditionally’ before you can expect anyone else to feel the same. I know its cheesy, but how can someone love you without conditions if you dont like who you are.

Isn’t that funny. We expect and demand someone to give us what we are not willing to give. Unconditional love. If we expect that from someone to make us feel safe and loved, wanted and desired, don’t we have to understand what it is? Don’t we have to feel it for ourselves before we can accept or expect anyone else to give it to us? Unconditional love: loving without limitations, conditions, or reservations. If we don’t provide that for ourselves, what is our point of reference to measure the love that is to fulfill our lives. How would we know what we are searching for or what we expect someone to give to us? How do we express to someone what we need?

I recently came across a essay submitted to the New York Times Modern Love column. Besides finding it amusing in a sentimental kind of way, it hit strangely close to home. The essay entitled ‘I Married a Republican: There I said it’ can be generically summed up by its title: its about one person’s story depicting the difficulties surrounding bipartisan relationships.

“Oh, the people next door! They’re …,” she paused and lowered her voice, “ … Republican.”  Everyone grimaced. The conversation quickly turned to complaints about the current administration. Before long it wasn’t just the administration being bashed but Republicans in general.  I stood there nodding, my dirty secret lodged in my throat like a golf ball.

As I read the essay it got me thinking about my own relationship. I’m currently dating someone whose Muslim, big deal right, except I’m not – in fact I’m the polar opposite Unitarian Universalist. Picture this one of the most disciplined religions in the world (Islam) and one of the most eclectic and non-dogmatic (UU) combined as one.  Sure it may be hard sometimes, but you can’t help who you love right? Our culture sometimes makes it difficult for people of different faiths, ethnicities, or party loyalties to feel welcome, but these differences are often superficial, and in the end don’t matter much

But it is a fair topic of discussion. So lets discuss!!!!